...

my life is at a standstill.

or rather, it's in slow motion.

i'm bored, i'm lazy, and i feel so... purposeless.

one more week and i'll step into the halls of knowledge once again. academics will once more be my priority, and i will lose the luxury of my free time.

at least, from there, i can start getting my life moving again.

it's been fun though, taking a break from school, meeting new people, discovering new places, growing roots again and just having a good time.

i take a deep breath and find my lips curling into a smile as i realize that i really can grow roots here now. not like before when i was stuck between two worlds. i can start building my life here.

i chuckle as i realize that i've already started to do just that.

one more week of frolicking carelessly through the city and having the luxury of being bored at home. one more week of having all that free time.

and then...

my world will change. i can feel it.

something will start when i walk into the chaotic world of college life again.

i just know it.

(goal for next month: get my driver's license. definitely get my driver's license on february)

new years once again!

i'll let myself be swept away the spirit of the new years and write a blog entry about it (hella late, i'm sure everyone else has got one already hahaha)

so, it's the last day of my first full year here in this foreign land. actually, it's not that foreign to me now. i'm still adjusting a little bit, but i'm altogether comfortable here, mostly thanks to melmel who's been there for me this whole time. :)

so now in this day where 2008 slowly turns into 2009, i can't help but look back into the year i call My Year of the Firsts. there were soo many things i did for the first time that i can't even recall most of them anymore hahaha. and of course there are first times that i'd rather tell you in private *wink wink*

hey, get your mind out of the gutter hahahaha

im happy to say that in all the hype of the new years i was able to talk to a lot of my friends and connect with them even briefly. i'm happy to end the year catching up with everyone, mending broken connections, forgiving and being forgiven.

i got to talk to chrisannielle! woohoo! that was fun, guess i went online at the right time :D i miss you guys and i'm so glad to see that after months of not having been able to talk to you we were still able to talk like we always do :D

but waaa elle nasaan ka?? hahahaha!

but i didn't get to ride Ace's 350z this year, boohoo.

anyway, here's to a happy new year, and may all of your new years wishes (if you even thought about making one) come true! make sure you do those resolutions! hahaha :D

WOW.

this has been a woooow day. seriously.

first off... I GOT A PSP AND THE FINAL FANTASY TACTICS GAME FOR CHRISTMAS! :D :D :D

can you believe that? i'm sitting in the car with my friend Pedro driving and my bestfriend Melmel in the backseat when they finally reveal to me what the big secret that they were hiding was! Pedro got me the PSP and melmel got me the game :D

i had a big goofy smile on my face, omg, it was crazy, it was like a dream :D i screamed like a crazy girl who had just been gifted with a PSP (oh yeah, i was exactly that hahahaha)!

so now i only have to get a memory stick for it and i can start playing!

BUT i have a placement exam tomorrow, so i'm exercising extreme, high-level self control to not open my new game, hahaha.

after tomorrow, it's all fun and games until january 26 :D

christmas in the park on friday! woot! :D

thoughts released.

it breaks me every time my thoughts inevitably stray to forbidden thoughts of you.

pixels on a screen rob me of all warmth and leave a cold, hard shell of my being.

i can't say i don't care that your smiles will never be for me. i can't say i don't wish for...things that were never within my reach in the first place.

i can't say a lot of things.

i'm reduced to typing on a screen with uncontrollably shaky hands, shivering even though the heater is turned up high.

go ahead, laugh at the obvious cliche situation that i'm in, and tell me that i'm wrong for doing things as i did them. make fun of my excessively dramatic thoughts. i don't care.

there is only one comforting thought in this unkind twist of reality:

you're smiling.

so long as that is a fact, i can cope with all the rest.



[*deep breath* ok, now back to that book i'm reading. ooh, there's a funny show on tv. hey, maybe i'll make a website right now. ok, i can do that while i'm listening to music and editing this video and debugging this program while brushing my teeth and... ]

Words taken from "Eldest", a novel by Christopher Paolini, second in the Inheritance Series.

i present to you the conclusion to a conversation between Eragon and his Master Oromis.

For a long time, Eragon stared out the window, turning Oromis’s words
over in his mind. “You don’t believe in an afterlife, then.”

“From what Glaedr said, you already knew that.”

“And you don’t put stock in gods.”

“We give credence only to that which we can prove exists. Since we
cannot find evidence that gods, miracles, and other supernatural things
are real, we do not trouble ourselves about them. If that were to change,
if Helzvog [a god] were to reveal himself to us, then we would accept the new
information and revise our position.”

“It seems a cold world without something... more.”

“On the contrary,” said Oromis, “it is a better world. A place where we
are responsible for our own actions, where we can be kind to one another
because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of be-
ing frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment. I won’t
tell you what to believe, Eragon. It is far better to be taught to think
critically and then be allowed to make your own decisions than to have
someone else’s notions thrust upon you. You asked after our religion, and
I have answered you true. Make of it what you will.”


just something to ponder about. :)

(an obvious) thought

one of these days you'll find someone who seems perfect. if you haven't already, i mean.

the first few weeks of your acquaintance will be almost ideal; long conversations, fun moments, lots of laughter.

i call this the "honeymoon phase".

but as time passes, you'll start to float back down from that ephemeral heaven. flaws and qualities about them that you realize you really don't like will start showing.

of course, there really is no ideal person.

but what makes or breaks your relationship is whether you decide to accept him/her exactly as he/she is.

and whether that person makes the same decision.

that's how friendships grow. that's how love blooms.

its a decision that you make everyday.

i took a trip down memory lane...

...and i came back smiling and laughing. :D

so many precious moments captured in little items. letters, pictures, notes, gift wraps, tickets, trinkets, even tissue paper... mostly from my high school days, a little from my college days.

the campaign button when i ran for batch rep (and lost, lol)...

the ateneo pin...

doodles that i did before...

the note someone gave me thinking i wouldn't know it was him (he always used the same pen and had a very distinct handwriting, nyahahaha)

backstab papers (remember those? those were interesting, haha)...

and other stuff that made me remember about the moments that i almost forgot about...

all in the past, perfectly preserved in my memory...

at least until i lose a few more brain cells, haha.

i used to cry whenever i opened this memory box of mine... but now i just smile as i stroll down the road, backwards into time. reveling in the remembered sights, sounds and sensations.

i suppose the reason we all love memories is that they're one of the rare things that never change.

but now, as i open my eyes and take in my surroundings, i look to the future, keeping the past in my heart and, most importantly i believe, making sure i enjoy every moment of today.

woohoo, can you believe it, a complete blog post, hahaha :D